Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
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6:09 pm
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NOTICE:
EVERONE DELETE THIS LJ FROM YOUR LIST.
I WILL NO LONGER BE USING THIS ONE.
I HAVE A NEW ONE.
ADD ME TO YOUR FRIENDS IF YOU STILL LIKE ME.
THANK YOU.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) gerrymander
there, now isn't that much more creative?
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 13th, 2004
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10:52 pm
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i feel dead.
i feel emotionless.
i do not feel joy like i used to.
i desparately need to find a church home.
or he will break me down until there is
nothing left.
current mood:  apathetic
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, September 11th, 2004
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2:22 am
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saying what you feel...
sounds like an easy enough concept,
but somehow it's the hardest thing
in the world for me to do.
i push all my feelings down.
until one day they pop.
and i have an episode of brutal honesty
about anything and everything on my mind.
my mom and dad are the only ones that witness these episodes.
they love it
and i do too
cause i feel tons better after it,
after everything's off my chest.
i become confident, assertive,
more like the person i want to be.
i need to find a happy medium.
because this ebb and flow is no way to live.
i hope my mom doesn't have any plans today. cause i'm feeling a day out with my mom. i love her.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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8:33 am
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i feel like a pile of flaming crap.
i woke up late [= paying for parking].
i have no money for parking.
i will be staying at school until 6 [or whenever i get my lab finished, whichever comes first].
i didn't finishe my pre-lab questions.
my head hurts.
my ears hurt.
my sinuses hurt.
i'm clearing my throat every minute.
i'm coughing and sneezing like crazy.
and i'm a paranoid jealous freak.
dad has a sinus infection.
i guess i have it too.
current mood:  annoyed
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 6th, 2004
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10:29 pm
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i feel kind of empty and lonely and crappy.
i guess it's because i might be coming down with a cold.
it's never fun to be sick.
quote of the weekend:
we are driving down I-64 East from indiana towards louisville
scott - Oh man! I forgot to look and see if that full-size mattress was still in the median.
i'm looking forward to micro lab tomorrow.
we get to work with E. Coli bacteria [and plus i got a bright shiny new lab coat].
i think this is going to be the class i like most this semester.
a slushie sounds mighty good right now. or a snow cone. or flav-or-ice pops.
...
current mood:  common cold-ish
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:22 am
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me + a smoothie king smoothie = raunchy farts every 3 minutes
i'm catching up with an old friend in lexington.
and that feels good.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, September 3rd, 2004
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9:56 pm
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i saw a flyer at school today.
i was about a 5K walk in Louisville's Central Park, Saturday September 18 @ 9am.
it's called Stamp Out Stigma Walk and it's all about raising money and awareness for the plight and problems of people with mental illnesses.
"Mental illness is a no-fault illness and there should be no guilt and no stigma attached," Bernie Block, president of the Louisville chapter of the alliance.
i might participate.
post script: i want to shout it around the world that i love a wonderful, handsome, and brilliant man - who has brought me nothing but joy since i met him.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
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10:29 pm - warning: may be controversial...read at your own risk.
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i am watching the Republican National Convention.
and i feel prompted to say some things.
i am utterly proud to be an American.
we are, without a doubt, the best nation in the world to live in.
with election day approaching i would like to tell you this -
vote. i don't care who you vote for. just vote.
if you don't vote, you have no logical right or reason to complain about who is in office.
this is the first time i get to vote for a presidential election.
and personally, i will be voting for George W. Bush.
i keep it no secret.
current mood:  patriotic
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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12:10 am
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i love talking to my mom.
i utterly love my parents.
and i couldn't ask for a better set of parents.
they are the bestest.
i am much better than i was earlier, thanks for asking - haha.
i talked to my momma for about an hour and it made me feel so much better.
it's 12:10am,
and i wonder why i have dark circles
under my eyes...
current mood:  loved
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
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6:29 pm - this entry will be grumpy and full of complaining [mostly about chemistry]...so don't bother.
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i am cranky right now.
and i will be every Wednesday from now until this semester is over.
why?
because i start class at 10:35am and don't get out until 6:00pm.
i only have one 45 minute break in all of that mess.
hardly a long enough break for lunch seeing that the closest food places are at least a block away from school [with the exception of Taco Bell, but that place gives me the major craps].
i would have to run to get there and run to get back.
and i can't drive cause i'll lose my parking space.
today i had a small bag of goldfish, 2 pepperoni hunks, and a Code Red from the vending machine for lunch.
i get cranky if i don't get to eat my food.
not too mention hypoglycemic as well.
so...i hate having a lab partner [although nothing against him personally - he seems nice]. i am the kind of person that likes to do it on my own, because i don't trust it when other people do the experiments. i like it done right and i like it done right the first time. i am a very meticulous and detail-oriented person [i even have to situate the books in my backpack a certain way]. and i like to do it my way.
i guess this will be a good experience in compromising and working with others.
let's be positive, Amanda.
i already have big bags and dark circles under my eyes.
i don't understand it.
i want to be selfish. cause i feel like a lot of stuff i do is for everyone else.
doesn't that sound horrible?
can someone teach me the art of relaxation -
because i am pretty sure i've never felt this emotion before.
everything is work to me.
current mood:  grumpy
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(comment on this)
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Monday, August 30th, 2004
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9:06 pm
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i'm so stressed out right now.
and i've been gritting my teeth a lot lately,
that can't be healthy.
i need a job.
one that doesn't interfere with school -
not too many hours,
not very stressful.
anyone heard of any openings or
have any suggestions?
i would appreciate any tips and such.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, August 26th, 2004
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8:47 pm
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school is going well so far.
and i'm addicted to Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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11:48 pm
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To you:
Don't you know you are my everything.
And don't you know you make my heart sing.
You've turned my world inside out.
Now I know what life is about.
And it's you I can't live without.
my ♥ gave me an early birthday present.
a cd
it should be obvious what it is.
i love it.
and i rocked out to it all the way home.
current mood: dreamy and sleepy
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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10:53 pm
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school starts tomorrow
Monday: 10:35-11:50 Logic, 12:00-1:15 Microbiology
Tuesday: 10:35-11:50 Chemistry, 12:00-2:00 Microbiology Lab
Wednesday: 10:35-11:50 Logic, 12:00-1:15 Microbiology, 2:00-6:00 Chemistry Lab
Thursday: 10:35-11:50 Chemistry, 12:00-2:00 Microbiology Lab
Friday: 10:35-11:50 Chemistry
i already know the class that i am going to skip the most is going to be Chemistry.
current mood:  school night
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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2:33 am
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things i would like for my 21st birthday:
- sewing machine
- "The Giver" by Lois Lowry [book]
- opaque cotton tights
- a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips
- material for me to make things with my sewing machine
- a shopping spree where i don't have to pick up the tab
- the job i applied for at Floyd Memorial
- Rituals of Life [Stretch Armstrong]
- Scott to get the job at Kindred Healthcare
- a scholarship to UK
- a hat or two that looks good on me
- actual copies of all/any Blindside cds [not burned]
- a $50 gift certificate to Unique Thrift Stores [if only...]
- my Dreamcast games back [haha]
- a small used mountain bike
- yo mama [to bake me a cake with lots of icing]
...that's all i can think of right now.
better hurry, you only have 4 days left. :)
current mood:  cold
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, August 20th, 2004
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5:18 pm
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Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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1:08 am - practicality
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i am the most practical person you will ever meet -
an idealist in no way, shape, or form.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, August 16th, 2004
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6:03 pm
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it is something i battle with everyday.
i realized the full extent this weekend while at Camp Loucon in Leitchfield for NewSong.
it's funny how bad i can make myself feel.
i know all i feel is irrational, but that doesn't stop the feeling.
and neither does anyone's reassurance [i do appreciate it though].
i thought this was over with and that i had conquered it.
but it's coming back.
i don't like feeling like this. in fact, i hate it.
it makes me feel horrible.
it gets in the way of me joyfully praising my God, it gets in the way of me enjoying time with others, it gets in the way of finding a job, it gets in the way of trying to have a good attitude, it gets in the way of everything in my life.
but i don't know how to shut this voice up.
i've gained weight and i feel like a slob [i'm willing to bet this is because of the birth control pill i am taking for prevention of endometriosis...i want off of it].
satan knows my biggest weakness is low self-confidence and high self-doubt [which ends up leading to jealousy and coveting of others qualities - this isn't how i want to be].
right now he's using my weakness skillfully to his advantage.
current mood:  i want it to go away
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
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1:11 pm
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I am guilty of selfishness.
I am guilty of a bad attitude.
I am guilty of impurity.
I am guilty of jealousy.
I am guilty of gossip.
I am guilty of cynicism.
I am guilty of judgement.
I am guilty of complacency.
I am guilty of apathy.
I am guilty of sin...
I feel horrible right now, even though Christ has saved me from all my sin.
I feel convicted.
I am not the person i need to be
and I feel like I need an army to support me and keep me accountable.
but i have no army.
What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so by faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself. But someone may well say, "You have faith, and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works." You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe and shudder. But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he offered up Isaac his son on the alter? You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected; and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "And Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness," and he was called the friend of God. You see that a man is justified by works, and not by faith alone. And in the same way was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works, when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.
James 2:14-26
current mood:  guilty
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(comment on this)
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Monday, August 9th, 2004
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3:48 pm
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I have my own beam light
An apparition, a sensation is no guide
And on my way to see
something caught my eye
The light inside is on
Watch your step
Take a breath if you come in
Did I invite you in?
Most impressions fade
but you're still standing
There is no landing for now
A watchful eye can see right in
Will it be innocence or just a daydream that dies?
How did you get so close to being in here?
Did I invite you in again?
That moment something's wrong
That moment I feel
Instead of wasting time
I'd like to rewind...
No more distractions
No more excuse...
In between the instinct
after sundown, after sundown
current mood:  time flies before your eyes
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(comment on this)
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